The story of Isak

Every pregnancy and every birth and every child is such a great gift from God.

No story about the beginning of a life is more special than another. Only different and sometimes a little bit more miraculous.

In the same way, a woman’s story of struggling to fall pregnant or coping with immense sadness after a miscarriage are whole chapters in her life. Chapters full of questions, anger, hope, disappointment and disillusionment. Every woman’s story is different.

And each story has its own miracle, and a moment, or moments, where a connection with God took place.

This is the story of Isak –

It amazes me how much we grow emotionally and spiritually in our journey of raising our kids. Thinking back to my life before Isak and then before Isabelle and before Katelyn, I cannot believe how many lessons I have learned. Shaping me for the better. The greatest being patient.

After the birth of our second daughter, Isabelle, we knew that our family was not yet complete. We trusted that a third child would also be part of God’s plan for our family.

We were so excited to start the journey of another pregnancy. But month after month after month, I was still not pregnant. Months became a year and we decided to go for fertility treatment. After a few months, my gynaecologist told me that the in view of the treatments being unsuccessful, he will have to refer me to a fertility specialist for more incisive treatment.

Sometime during this, we started to see how content we were with having two daughters, how much we enjoyed them and how much they enjoyed each other. We started to accept that our family might just be “complete”. We were in a good place at that stage.

Acceptance is such a liberating feeling.

After months of turmoil and an emotional struggle, acceptance was like a calm ocean after the storm.

Someone asked me once, when praying what answer did I get from God regarding another pregnancy?

I remember my answer so clearly – I got no answer, not a yes or a no or a later. I felt God was withholding any answer. Feeling his presence during this time, but nothing else. When looking back, that was actually such an amazing place to be – knowing God was there, but while wondering why an answer isn’t there, just trusting Him, amid not understanding.

Before this stage of acceptance, I used to be very envious when I heard of someone who was pregnant. It seemed so easy and so effortless for others. But God changed my heart bit by bit. I come to realize that sometimes change really happens very slowly and in Afrikaans “in die stilligheid”. Proverbs says: There is a time for everything. And that our concept of time, is so much different than God’s. His perfect time.

I only knew that the change of feeling envious towards others was completely gone, when my sister fell pregnant during that time that we were struggling to fall pregnant. I was so happy for her, without wanting that for myself. I clearly remember the moment in hospital when I held her baby boy for the first time – the total joy for someone else, without any selfish feeling.

The most miraculous part about everything, was that I fell pregnant with Isak just days after my little nephew’s birth on 26 April 2017. I obviously didn’t know this, but looking back, it was almost as if I had to learn an important lesson, before God provided us with a miracle.

I recently read a book written by Ann Voskamp “A Thousand Gifts”, and it is exactly that – Jesus giving thanks to God, preceded every miracle that He performed. I had to “give thanks” for my life as is, before our miracle. And, even if we did not fall pregnant, I think my miracle might have been total acceptance and joy of life with two kids.

Sometime during May 2017, I sorted my closet and found an old pregnancy test. For some reason, I decided to try the test before throwing it away. There was the faintest second line. I immediately thought that I wasn’t pregnant and went on with the rest of my day. Just before bedtime, I remembered about the test and decided to read the part about when a test is positive. Much to my surprise, the leaflet said that even the faintest second line is a positive. I could not really believe it. I told my husband about the test and the faint second line. We left it at that. But this feeling of hope did not go away. We decided to go for a blood test early the next day, really expecting a negative result.

We asked that the results of the test be sent via SMS. After church, while driving home, I asked my husband if he could check his messages to see if the results were out. While at the red light, he checked and told me that there weren’t any results yet and drove on.

After a while, he suddenly just stopped at a place next to the road. I was so surprised when he told me that I was pregnant! Our daughters was with us in the car, and I think they were so amazed by what was happening! We just couldn’t believe it. I phoned everyone – my parents, my siblings, my parents-in-law, friends…Our daughters used to pray for another baby and we would tell them that it will happen in God’s time, if it is His plan for our family.

They immediately said during that moment in the car – “THIS is God’s time for another baby.” They had complete trust in His timing.

One morning during my alone-time with God, He gave me a very clear answer about what our baby’s name should be. I just knew. Isak is a one of my grandfather’s names. Isak was also the son of Abraham. My husband’s full name is Abraham. And the faithfulness of God and the miracle of Sarah falling pregnant with Isak, was just how we felt when falling pregnant with our Isak. Isak, the covenant of God.

My due date was 20 January 2018. We were really comfortable in the knowledge that our baby boy will come well into January. A perfect start to the school year. He would be the eldest in his class. Good timing. We are so human in our thinking.

I used to tell friends that the last week of December would be the “worst” time for Isak to come, because deep down I did not really think it would ever happen. My parents were away, my sister and her family were away, Minah (our nanny) went home AND my gynaecologist was away. To top this, my husband was also on call during that time, usually a very busy time for a surgeon at a hospital. I never went into labour with our first daughter and we had to do a caesarean section at 41 weeks pregnancy. Our second daughter came at 38 weeks pregnancy (I went into labour). So I was quite sure that Isak would not come earlier than them.

I am thankful for the December that I had with our two daughters. It was amazing. We did everything we still wanted to do before their brother came. Having great quality time together. God is so faithful, because I really needed that time with them.

I started bleeding early morning on 29 December 2017. My husband took our daughters with him to do ward rounds and to theatre. I drove myself to the labour ward, having a feeling that I won’t be coming home again without a baby. I was 36 weeks pregnant.

My gynaecologist phoned a colleague of his to come and see me, whom, thankfully, we knew. He was afraid that the bleeding might be an indication of a uterine rapture. There was no way of knowing. We prayed about this and decided to try and wait before delivering Isak. (At least until 1 January 2018). We decided that if the monitor shows any distress or I start bleeding again, we would deliver Isak.

It was less than half an hour before I started having contractions. There was no choice anymore. We had to deliver Isak. I was so thankful towards God for taking the decision out of our hands. 29 December 2017 was God’s plan for Isak to be born. Being emotional, my family really supported me during this time, my parents and siblings and parents-in-law’s phone calls really calmed me. Excited to meet Isak. We were thankful for friends that took care of our daughters for us.

Isak was born at 19h00.

I still struggled a bit with God during that evening after his birth. Being born in January would have made all the decisions about when to send him to school a lot easier. Until my sister gave me a verse that she read the morning before Isak was born. She did not know why she thought of me when she read it, but after his birth she knew. And I knew that I should just trust God with His plans for Isak.

Isak, you are the friendliest baby. You smile most of the time. You are such a pleasure. Your sisters adore you. We love you. Thank you God.

Isaiah 46: 8 – 11

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose”, calling a bird of prey form the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.”

Martine

xxx