Ten minute dates

As my mother once said – it is better not to know at the beginning of a new year what that year has in store…

Since Isak’s birth on 29 December 2017, we planned our Easter Holiday in Cape Town.

We love Cape Town. We did not quite know how the holiday would turn out with Isak, as he is a content baby most of the time.

We were looking forward to our first holiday with a brand new baby on board! We love doing activities and going on outings with the kids from early morning to dinner time.

I think every family has its own unique way to rest during holidays. Some enjoy long lazy days at the beach, others go on holiday with friends or extended family and spend hours sitting on the porch enjoying each other’s company.

Well, we “rest” by doing as much as possible ;)

On a trip to Italy with good friends, we walked one hundred and four kilometres in one week! I was in my second trimester with Isak at that time, but I think we laughed so much during that trip, that I never felt how tired my feet were.

On the Sunday before the Friday that we planned on leaving for Cape Town, the kids and I met my husband, Abri, at Brooklyn for lunch. He was on call and came to lunch after his ward rounds and theatre. After lunch we decided that the girls will drive home with him and that I would take Isak with me. Halfway home, a driver skipped the red light and hit my car, after which I hit the car next to me. Isak and I did not get hurt, but my car was written off.

While the accident was surreal and frightening, I’m so in awe of God’s grace that day!

The impact was on the side where Katelyn usually sits. I’m so thankful that they were not in the car with us! Isak was secure and safe in his car seat. I woke him a few times that evening after the accident, just to hold him and give thanks to God for His protection.

The most frightening part about the accident was being trapped in the car, not able to get to Isak to see that he was not injured. A wonderful couple stopped at the scene to help me. I’m so thankful for them! God’s grace was so visible on that day.

Invariably we decided not to go on holiday, but to rather take that week to sort out the insurance, to look at a new car for me and to spend time together at home.

I was heartbroken with disappointment, but knew our decision was the right one.

God asked me to trust Him about this decision to stay.

During that week my husband got bronchitis and Isak was admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis. We immediately realised that if we were in Cape Town, he would have been admitted there and everything would have been much more difficult to manage.

Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

We were so thankful that God worked the accident for good. We sometimes are so overwhelmed by an adverse event, that we cannot imagine how God will work that event for the good, but He always does. Not that we always see it.

As I was still breastfeeding, I stayed with Isak in hospital. In between being so heart sore for Isak, I was thankful for so many things – that Abri was able to look after the girls (they “camped” in the main bedroom for the weekend), that my father-in-law came to stay in our home the following week to take the girls to school and that Isak was admitted in the same hospital where Abri works.

Abri is a surgeon. I don’t think he ever sees his work as “work”, more of a passion that is part of him. I once told him that I just need another hand with the kids (on top of our wonderful nanny, Minah – you can never have enough hands with kids) and Abri replied very seriously that he often dreams about having more than two hands to be able to do surgeries not possible with only two hands!

While the hospital-stay was a challenge, I found the energy to stay positive - I had a great book to read (thanks to my sister!) and I ordered cups and cups of (decaf) coffee from the hospital’s coffee café. The nursing staff were really very helpful, friendly and supportive. 

The children’s ward was not busy and I was thankful for quiet days and peaceful nights. Isak was very ill and I have never experienced him crying as much as he did during that week! I was very tired at the end of each day. I missed Minah a lot! And I missed the girls and Abri very much!

My sister told me that God will teach me something during our hospital stay. How right she was!

Vey often I long for Abri to be home more often – to be here for dinner, to sometimes help me with driving the kids to their respective extra mural activities, to be available every weekend, to sit next to me during every church service and for nice long coffee conversations in the morning before each new day. I would imagine how much better my life will be and how much strength I will get from him to tackle every day.

God proved me so wrong! –

Abri came for ten minute visits early morning before his ward rounds, in between his theatre list and at the end of the day. I was amazed at how much I looked forward to those “ten minute dates”, how much it helped just to share my load for ten minutes, to enjoy his company for ten minutes and to be content and thankful for that ten minutes. I think that the ten minutes meant so much, because of unity we had during that time – it was just us, no interruptions, no resentments, just being with each other in that moment.

I came to appreciate once again the security that I, as a wife, had in my husband. That the security did not depend on him being home for dinner every evening and always helping me with the children, but by being the person that I can count on for everything and who knows me the best. I also realised that my strength as a mom is apart from his strength as a dad  - I can be a great mom, even if I have to do a lot of the parenting by myself.

It is not dependant on how much Abri is home or involved in our day to day activities. God provides me with enough strength and wisdom for each day in my role as our children’s’ mother. He knows I have a husband who is not often at home, and His grace is sufficient to cover that. And, God also provides for Abri in his role as a dad whilst having long hours and being available for his patients - God’s grace is also sufficient for Abri.

There used to be a lot of afternoons that, when Abri would let me know that he will be coming home late and not have dinner with us, I would not look forward to the evening anymore and be short tempered with the kids. I realised this week that, after really spending time with God about this attitude of me, God changed my heart bit by bit and evening by evening.

Nowadays, I look forward to dinner time and evening with the kids, irrespective of Abri being here or not. I praise God for that – it took me ten years!

I once again realised that my strength for each day came from God alone.

I also once again appreciated Abri for being a godly husband and father, the person I can still be excited about, the person who can makes my day by just spending ten minutes with me and look forward to seeing in the evening, however late he gets home. The person I can share my day with, ask advise and just be my person.

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” The Song of Solomon 8:7.

To  many years of ten minute dates

xxx Martine