I don't think I want to be a mother

Yes, you read right...this was a statement made by a friend of mine on Facebook. She went on to say (from what she can see) that motherhood contains a long list of "things you should do, things you shouldn't do, things you should buy, things you shouldn't buy, things you should say, things you definitely shouldn't say, things you should wear and things you shouldn't wear (unless you want to die a social suicide).

Needless to say, this Facebook post sparked quite an intense conversation on her profile.

A few days later and this still haunts me, and I wondered why. To be dead honest...I related much more with her comment than I did with some of the mothers who commented back defending themselves.

The thing is this: all depending on what social circles you travel in and if we should be honest, motherhood has somewhat become a place where subtle competition takes place between the mothers. Whether it be whose kids looks the snazziest in that latest brand clothing, who takes the prettiest selfies with their kids, who can regularly take their kids to the coolest places, who look the best with their tiny POST-pregnancy body, whose kids reached their milestones the quickest or just something like whose kids are defined by society as the "cutest", "prettiest" etc etc. This list can become quite extensive if I should really start listing it all.

If this is what "motherhood" looks like to an outsider, no wonder they want to reconsider their options for the future.

By no means do I place myself apart from this statement. Often I find comparing myself to those mothers who look just so dang skinny after a few months of giving birth, or those mothers who can afford to buy their kids brand name for just every single clothing item they have while I (not so confidently) buy my kids' clothes at local shops with NO branding...

And then I realized this truth: I am SO far away from being the perfect mother. Oh man. I STILL have pigmentation marks 6 months after giving birth. I am still not at my pre-pregnancy weight and I don't get "mothering" always right: I lose my temper, I get tired, I do sometimes wish bedtime came sooner etc etc BUT, and this is a BIG but...If I could achieve ANYTHING in motherhood, (apart from loving my kids unconditionally & always bringing God glory through it) it would be to try my best to enjoy it. ALL OF IT. To embrace the ups and downs of motherhood as best I can. To still be that girl who can laugh at small things. To not focus so much on my appearance that I miss the small things in front of me. To stop worrying what "other mothers" will think of me if I should do this or that.

Life is SO complicated and complex already. Motherhood should never have been an additional aspect that brings you to a place of competition, comparison or questioning whether you are doing it right or not.

You ARE a mother. You don't need anybody else to give you that sense of fulfillment to believe it.

So cheers to all mothers who have stretch marks, who are not at their pre-pregnancy weight, who cannot afford all brand name clothing, who sometimes question their level of competence with their kids etc.

God blessed you in this. So embrace this...I am definitely preaching to myself on this one!

xxx

Renske