Does it get any better?

We all have our worst days with our kids.

Days like movie scenes from “Moms’ night out”, “Cheaper by the Dozen”, or those red haired twin boys from “Desperate Housewives”. I clearly remember the one episode where the mom made the twins dig a big hole in the hot sun, so that they could be more docile for their school interview. These days gets less and less as the children get bigger and bigger.

I have a lot of friends with small children, four years and under.

One of them once asked – “Does it get any better as they get older? Or only worse?”

Our eldest daughter was a very easy baby. So, to go from baby to toddler was harder than going from having no kids to having a baby. When they reach toddler size, the discipline starts, they get physically busier and more demanding.

Testing us!

You have to begin to think of playgroups, swimming lessons and getting them into a primary school.

Having a baby, your first one, is relatively easy. And then! I clearly remember the first time after Katelyn’s birth, that I realised the “honeymoon faze” is over.

Katelyn was nine months old and we went for coffee at a not-very-child-friendly coffee shop with a friend. It was chaos - she pulled my coffee cup over, didn’t want to sit on my lap, made music with the coffee-covered cutlery and didn’t want to fall asleep in my arms as usual when she got tired.

I only then realized, my life had changed.

We don't get used to bottles and nappies and tired babies. I think we just get immune to the negative feelings that go with all of that. Somewhat like a little bit of baby injection with each new baby. You build “anti-bodies” with which you can stay more positive and overcome negativity more easily.

And even though your next baby might be different to your first one(s). You are stronger and can handle things better.

After the first few months of being a busy toddler, Katelyn settled down a bit and handled the role if being a big sister very well. She was two and a half when Isabelle was born. That was the busiest, most selfless time of my life. I was busy with Katelyn - driving her to and from the playgroup, packing snacks, bravely swimming with her during swimming lessons, making sure she takes her afternoon naps, doing lots of library trips and reading time and putting her to bed at night, sometimes with a crying Isabelle, when Abri, my husband was working late. I was also very busy with a new Isabelle, who wasn’t as good a sleeper as Katelyn, but making up for that with being very friendly during the day and taking long morning naps.

Abri went into private practice during that time after Isabelle’s birth, demanding lots of my time in helping him with setting up a practice. I remember that time as being a very uncertain and busy time.

To top this, Abri went to Cape Town to do a fellowship when Isabelle was three months old. I’m not quite sure just how I managed, but I did.

After this, time flew and before we knew it, Isabelle was three and Katelyn five and life got a lot easier. So easy, that we took them with us on a trip to Italy. My parents-in-law went with, which helped a lot, but at that stage, we were starting to get “us” back and settling into a lovely daily routine filled with afternoon walks, afternoon naps, no homework and easy playgroup years. I sometimes wish I appreciated that time more, only now realising how special phase that was.

Then, fast forward to last year when I fell pregnant with Isak...

Abri and I had time for date nights and sleeping in on weekends. I had time for leisurely cooking dinner, some reading in the afternoons and easy weekends where anything was possible with a four year old and a  six year old.

It definitely gets better and better!

But, it also gets busier and busier!

This year is definitely more challenging.  Having a baby and a Grade 1 in the same year is not that difficult. It's just busy. Grade 1 is the wonderful start of greatness! The start of athletics afternoons in the hot summer sun, the start of spelling and mathematics tests, the start of reading “Tippie” every evening, the start of very dusty and crowded cross country and also the start where your emotions and pride feels larger than your heart.

It is the start of recorder lessons, piano lessons and learning a rhyme off heart for the Eistedfodd. But, at the same time, a Grade 1 is a child who doesn’t need afternoon naps, who doesn’t cry for something that she wants, who helps make salad for dinner and who loves setting the table, while adding some candles, art and surprises for her sister.

Having an almost-five-year-old means hours and hours of playtime together, mealtimes with lots of conversation and keeping each other busy.

There is a time in the late afternoon, just before Isak’s bath time, in which I’m out of ideas on how to keep him busy. Katelyn and Isabelle then takes over, after which he is usually very tired and bath time and sleep time goes very fast. I often take a time to stand back and take it all in and to enjoy Isak’s baby time.

The “gap” between our daughters and Isak definitely made having three kids easier, for me. Busier, but easier.

I knew life after having babies and toddlers, I have tasted the freedom. So, having a baby again, just makes me enjoy this time better, because I know what is waiting. On the other hand, there are lots of moms whom say that having all your kids one after the other is easier, because you do not know anything other than babies, nappies and bottles. And there are no school-going siblings to drive around. Life for them is just filled with little kids. And then, when the youngest turns three of four, they can finally have a taste of life after babies.

Obviously, I do not know anything at this stage about all the adult emotions and teenage years that lie ahead. Years of studying for exams, of heart ache and of trying to fit in.

For now, my life is easier, but busier and with a baby in the mix ;)

Martine

xxx